Zomg - rant.

How gay is Hong, talking and then suddenly drooling all over my economics textbook, zomfggggg haven't opened my textbook since -.-'' don't understand how his saliva appeared on my book from so far away, two big puddles, the smell's gnr be there foreverrr *cries*!!!!!! Lols never flicking to chapter 13 of economics textbook again :(  feel sorry for whoever gets my textbook next year, sigh. It's in such good condition, i hardly ever touch it, and when i bring it to school, it has to suffer such a terrible fate </3

Anyways, hope everyone did good for their UMAT test yesterday, especially those from my school! :D :D

Had a lot of chats with people about our studies, results, plans and our future. Seems weird... I still remember talking to Philip while walking in the city during the holidays. We were discussing ''smartness''. Not surprisingly, we both concluded that smart is being able to understand things quickly. There are generally two kinds of people who do good in exams. Those who are just naturally ''smart'', and those who aren't, but works hard and puts in a lot of effort in practicing. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I must say that I really don't put in much effort in my studies, even until now - when time is ticking away second by second. & I know that I usually give people the impression that I'm really studious and hardworking, but I'm not. You wouldn't exactly call someone who watches Gossip Girl during their trials ''hardworking'' right? Because that's me

To be honest, I didn't really expect to come second for the English trials. I'm happy of course, but it got me thinking - do I really deserve to be second? Because I know there are many many people who put so much more effort in preparing for the english exams. This is what I did:

for Paper I, I stayed up to 5AM (while smsing others) memorising my creative writing & journeys essay the night before. After the exam I thought I did really bad, and was immediately demotivated.

for Paper II, I was on msn until 10:30. After that I went into my room and decided to write essays for my modules. I finished one for Emma&Clueless and got all the main ideas in my head (while smsing, again lawl). By the time I finished, I was so tired and sick that I decided to stuff Gwen Harwood & Frontline and sleep. And so I did. During the exam for Paper II, I swiftly finished Module A, and basically wrote on the top of my head for Module B & C.

Obviously, resulted indicated that with preparation, I perform better

Paper I creative 13/15

Paper I journeys 13/15

Paper II Module A 19/20 & the two Modules I didn't prepare for, I received 16/20 and 15/20 respectively

Although the marks aren't good, I still managed to beat the majority of the year, accumulating to the second rank for the trials. It made me contemplate, was my attitude an indication of my arrogance and self-confidence in English, or was it a reflection of my  true values - that I couldn't give fek about my trials?! Maybe it was my illness, after all, it affects your thinking and judgement doesn't it? Because I know to most people who care about their HSC, they wouldn't simply settle for the night-before cram. Yet this is what I did.

Why am I like this?

If I did this well with so little preparation... what would I have come if I had started preparing, say two, three or four weeks earlier - the way it should've been?

Similarly for physics, I stayed up to around two in the morning looking over matrix booklets and notes on the three modules, trying to cram. I was really panicking by then, because there was so much that I didn't know about eg. generators ._. yet I managed to come 3rd markwise, and 5th rankwise (there were 3 people coming second)............

What's even more weird is that despite getting such good marks with so little revision/studying, I couldn't help but feel a momentary disappointment when I got my marks back lawlawlawl. Now what is that an indication of? Like I don't even deserve those marks for so little effort; yet I'm disappointed in coming second and fifth? What the hell did I think I am - someone who could score 100% in trials with no studying?!

Or was I disappointed, because I know that I could've done so much better with earlier revision and good health & rest? Or even more, was I disappointed in myself, because I know that, the marks I got won't be able to get the uai I want? Because truthfully... I don't think I can achieve 95. Even getting in the low 90's seems like a struggling target to reach, especially considering how lazy I am, always getting so distracted and wasting so much time procrastinating.

I'm really not smart... I worry, I panic, I regret... but I don't try.

Why can't I try hard?!?!!?!?!?!

I truthfully hope that I don't think I am too good or anything, because I know I'm not. No way near. </3

Oh maths & chem was bad. Lols, just shows that I can't do well while cramming those subjects. Should've done homework...

OKAYOKAY. Maybe it's cause I'm overly lazy.

Yes.... need to take an inner journey into myself =|

Shit I sound so arrogant, I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to rub it in to anyone, sorry if anyone got offended :( this isn't some entry to seek reassurance from people in order to hear them comfort me by saying "you're smart" or anything btw -_- so don't think like that. Lawl.

Oh btw, we gave the chicken back cause we didn't wannr kill it haha =( it grew a lot while it was at our house, cause we fed it lots :)

Good luck to those with trials! <3 xoxo.P.S: bad news :( apparently most of the aeroplane tickets overseas in november & december are all SOLD OUT, wtf nooooooo what am i gnr do!!!! T______T

P.P.S: JEANS FOR GENES DAY TOMORROW, lols pay a gold coin to wear jeans! ... hmm  I wear grey jeans to school everyday anyways. I would've had to pay so much HAHAH. Oh wells, I'll change wear a different pair of jeans and donate :D